Singleness. Men. God. Purity. Desire. Ideals.

Over the last week, God has been using the people and situations around me to teach me about singleness, relationships, and marriage.

November 22, 2013, will be the 3rd anniversary of my being single. Coming out of 5 months of signed singleness, I began to evaluate whether or not I wanted to end my consecration of singleness. Whether or not I am ready for whatever comes next. So here are a compilation of my thoughts on the subject, what God has been teaching me, what experience has shown me, and the wisdom that I am slowly beginning to receive.

I decided after my last relationship that I didn't want to jump back into another relationship. I started to read books on the subject of God, Holiness, and Singleness. I do not remember the first book I read, but I do remember what it said. Every person that you have a relationship with becomes an important part of your life. You give a piece of your heart away to each person you enter into a relationship with. We feel it when we are with them, when we break connections with them, there is a sadness. Now imagine when you finally get married. You are standing at the altar with your soon to be husband or wife, and behind them are standing all of the people you have given a piece of your heart to. You are at the altar handing over what's left of your heart to the person you are marrying.... How much are you giving to them? As much as they deserve? Less than you have given to the ones before? Half of your heart? All of it? Or the smallest sliver? How much do you wish you could give them?

That marked me.... changed my whole perspective. I knew then that the next person I dated I wanted to be my last. The next person I gave my heart to would be the last, which is why I have been waiting for so long.

That being said, my 3 years has not always been perfect. I have not given my heart away, but I have definitely entertained the thought.There are times when you are sure something is from God, or it might be, or maybe you should just give it another shot. Maybe a person came into your life out of the blue for a reason, or maybe you met someone who is everything you have been looking for and you are just hoping that they are the one God has led you to. 

But, this is what I have learned. 

• There is no one single person intended for us from the beginning of time, because God has given all of us the freedom of choice. There are, however, godly options.
•  God's timing is way better than my own. 
• Single - means a whole complete unit. We do not suddenly become whole when we find our match. We need to be whole before we enter in, so we can live in fullness, and offer that to our significant other. 
• Dating out of loneliness, fear, for the sake of dating, or for experiment is pointless. Dating is intended to be courtship. It is intended to be a pursuit towards marriage. 
• Women are not the ones who should make the first move. A man is the spiritual head of a relationship. He will be the leader in your relationship, in your family, in your spiritual walk with God. He should be a leader. So let him prove that he is, and submit yourself to him, to his actions, his timing as a sign of respect. 
• How a man lives in public and private should coincide. They should not be any different. His internal life, his secret life with The Father, should flow out of him and into his everyday life. Same for women. 

Through spending some time watching men that I would consider to be godly options, this is what I have learned about what to look for in a Godly Man. 

•  He should respect authority, in spite of age, social standing, gender, etc. God places people in our path for specific reasons. Maybe to teach us humility, wisdom, patience, or how God uses the most unlikely people to pour out his spirit on. This man will be your spiritual leader, you must submit to him, but if he does not respect those he deems below him in age, status, or gender, why would he respect you.
• If he has made a commitment, signed an agreement, or made a covenant with God, he should follow it through in spite of how it may limit his so called freedom. For example, if a man has committed to reading 3 chapters of his bible everyday, make sure he is remaining faithful to his word. It shows his honor, and respect for people around him (like you, one day). Or, maybe he has signed an agreement to not drink for a period of time. We had to do this during our internship. He should follow the agreement he made, regardless of how limiting it might be, or how childish it may make him feel. I know of at least one man who, after signing a similar agreement, chose to drink just to prove he could, but the fact that he could or could not was not the point. It was a commitment to walk in holiness, being set apart for a period of time. 
• He will not drink. This may not be a clear sign of godliness, but I know for me it can be a stumbling block, so why would I want to allow temptation into my life. 
• He will value family, because he will be yours. 
• He will walk in holiness and purity. It is a path I have been trying to walk, so I want someone to walk with. 
• He will love God above everything, including me. God will not only be the first in his life, but the only. 
• He will make the first move, and it will be a move made prayerfully and with caution. 
• He will not be running around dating to find out who his match is. I know God pours out a spirit of wisdom and revelation on those who seek it. I trust that God will reveal to him when the time is right who I am. - I have heard amazing stories of God speaking directly to people about who their future spouse could be. I want God to be the person who confirms this match. 
• I have been waiting for him for 3 years, and I will continue to wait in prayer. I expect that he will wait in prayer as well. Not for 3 years of course haha, but I don't want to be second. I want to be pursued. 
• He will walk in humility. 
• He will pursue. 

This may sound silly, childish, feminine, and idealistic, but I know that the plans God has for me are plans to prosper and not harm. I will set my standards high. I will wait in prayer, interceding for my future husband. I will make myself ready for him. And I know, when the time is right, when I am a whole complete unit, who is satisfied by Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, and the Father, that God will open his eyes. And, until then, I will continue to refine my list, I will fervently pray without ceasing, I will continue to look to God, and I will continue to pursue righteousness. 

I hope that this encouraged, inspired, spurred you on, and made you question. If not, that is okay too, because I know what this means to me to place in writing my commitments.

May God bless you and keep you, 

may His countenance shine upon you, 

and may He be gracious to you. 

♥ A